I thought I would wish everyone a happy new year before I forgot.

A strange thing happened two Fridays ago. Most of you will not find it strange and will find it quite boring, but I found it really strange.

At the beginning of February, I decided that March 1st would be my last day at the church I'd been attending for the past 16 years. Long complicated story that I won't go into. You're welcome. So two Fridays ago, I ventured into the dark, cold, empty sanctuary to play drums for the very last time. (I was waiting for a 7:30pm Bible study to start at a nearby house.)

I'm not a real drummer. I wish I were. But my mom never let me learn and instead made me play the violin like a dutiful Asian kid. I mean, only bad kids with long hair play drums (and electric guitars). But I love to bang on the drums, and for the past 16 years, every time I've played, I've always picked up the same set of sticks. The heavy ones with the red stripe.

As I drummed away, my mind wandered and reminisced. Sad how 16 years can pass as quickly as a weekend. So many different people have sat on those old pews and have encountered the living God. And just as many have also dozed off. Failures, regrets, rejoicing, friendships, lost friendships, struggles, challenges, emptiness, fulfillment, tears, laughter, dreams, disappointments, etc. In the end, there's only thanksgiving to God. 

In my 20s, my life was consumed by ministry, especially worship ministry. But after my 1-year missionary stint in Taiwan in 2000, my heart never really returned to my church or to ministry. And I've always felt bad for not being able to do more to keep the church together.

Sorry, I'm drifting off topic like a rubber duck. Back to the story.

[I know I have a better picture of the sanctuary, but I'm too tired to find it.]

As I looked at the clock, I realized I had only one more minute to play. So I gave one last drum solo, and as I finished and looked down at my sticks, I couldn't believe what I saw. The end of one of the sticks had broken off.

I know, it doesn't sound very amazing. But I was a little dumbfounded. I had been banging away for 16 years with these sticks and had never broken them. And now, in the last minute, the last second, the last hurrah, one of the sticks breaks. It was as if God were confirming the end of my era here with this surprising symbolic act. It's either that or my arms are getting waaay too muscular.

I know, you're a little disappointed that my "strange" story ends with a broken little drum stick, and now you want to break the other stick on top of my head. You were probably expecting an encounter with an angel like Gabriel. Or some crazy vision. Or you were hoping that I started to levitate and fly around the sanctuary. Sorry, maybe next time.

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Happy Chinese New Year!!

I was going to write about my new year resolutions, even though I don't believe in new year resolutions. (I only believe in new DAY resolutions, if you get my drift). Did you know that in January 2006, I wrote in my Xanga that my new year's theme was CHANGE. So this is further proof that Obama has been reading my blog. What a copycat.

This past year's theme in retrospect was, "How I gave up..." But more on that next time. And I would reveal 2009's theme, but I know you're reading this on your BlackBerry, Barack!!

it's just not fair...

This Christmas season, I've discovered the main disadvantage of being single. No, it's not that I have no one to snuggle up with on those cold bitter wintry nights. It's not that I have no one to curse the weather with me. It's not that I have no one to make snow angels with. It's not that I don't have an ice skating partner to throw up in the air.

I'll give you a hint:

Yes, family photo Christmas cards. It must be so convenient to be able to take a family photo and send it off as a Christmas card. Most of them (at least the ones I get) don't have any personalization to them. I would hope for at least a "Dear Superbub, I love you and miss you. Merry Christmas." Of course, just being included on someone's mailing list makes me warm and fuzzy, so I'm not complaining.

I'm ashamed to admit that this is the first year that I've given up on my defensive Christmas card sending. I bought stamps. I have cards. But I gave up before I even started. I just didn't have the energy, time, motivation, and heart. Such is the story of my life this year.

I realized that to send cards to all 100 thoughtful families that sent me photo cards (and family newsletters) would be impossible, especially if I had to write something poetic and touching in each card. Sending a blank card with no writing inside would seem eccentric.

   you: Honey, look, we just got a cheap looking Christmas card.
   your spouse: Who's it from, dear?
   you: I don't know. There's no writing inside.
   your spouse: Must be Superbub.
   you: Yeah, what a weirdo. No wonder he's single.
  
And I couldn't send cards to only a few people, because then there would be a fury of jealous feuds.

   you: We didn't get a card from Superbub, did we?
   your spouse: No, we didn't.
   you: I heard the Posts received one. In fact, I saw it on their fireplace mantel.
   your spouse: I can't believe it! Are they more special than us?!
   you: Death to the Posts!!
   your spouse: Death to Superbub!!

And I couldn't send a photo card of just myself in various poses and costumes.

   you: Look, Superbub sent us a photo card of just himself.
   your spouse: How vain. Does he think he's a model or something?
   you: I know, why does he think we'd want to see a picture of himself?
   your spouse: He looks like an ugly monster.
   you: Yeah, don't show the kids. They might start crying.
   your spouse: Just throw it in the fireplace. I'll get the marshmellows.

But if I had a family photo card, I could avoid these potentially deadly scenarios. It would be socially acceptable to send without having to think of something personal and meaningful to write on each one, and it would only take me 3 seconds per card. So now you know why it's so unfair.

So I'm sorry that you didn't get a Christmas card from me. I feel a bit guilty and rude, but I hope you understand the quandary I'm stuck in.

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Anyways, Merry Christmas....
 

Brita is ... Better?

I like to drink a lot of water, because it's good for you, and I'm too cheap to buy anything else. Yesterday morning, my Brita pitcher looked something like the 1st picture below - full of delicious fresh water, like rushing rivers of melted ice flowing down a majestic mountain, like thirst quenching dew from heaven above. Okay, I exaggerate.

But I noticed that there was this odd green coating on the bottom. No problem, I thought, I'll just wait until I finish the pitcher so I can turn it upside down and scrub the bottom (outside). I'm not going to dump out a full pitcher. So I had my cup of tea and two cups of water before heading off to church. Time to change the filter, I thought, water has an odd taste.
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Later in the evening, I drank more water, made a pot of miso tofu soup, and drank even more water with my dinner. Still tasted a little strange. As I was about to do the dishes, I decided to drink one last cup to finish the pitcher so I could clean the green bottom. As I moved under the light and lifted the cup to my lips, I noticed it looked a little .... TINTED.

HUH!? I looked more closely at what was left in the pitcher...

[Bloodcurdling scream]

What the heck? It definitely wasn't that green in the morning. What do you think it is? Fast growing algae? Mildew? Mold? The Chicago River? I've never seen something like this before. How did it get in there? Is someone plotting to poison me?

I still have a half a pot of miso (algae) soup, and I'm wondering if I should finish it. If it is algae, maybe it's the healthy kind that will make me grow hairy. I didn't get sick today. But what if brain-eating amoebae were floating around in there, and they are now slowly munching away at my fish oil flavored brain? Dilemma.

Would anyone like to come over and share a hot bowl of soup with me? There's nothing like hot miso soup on a cold snowy day, you know...

[EDIT 9PM Tuesday: I'm now eating my miso tofu soup because I have nothing else to eat. If I don't update again within a week, please call 911. Or just come to my place with a body bag and Febreze.]

news flash...

In case you haven't heard, Obama won the election.

It makes me so proud of this country. We have shown the world that we are a great nation. A country where there is equal opportunity for all - equal opportunity for people with no experience and no accomplishments as there is for people with decades of experience and accomplishments. As long as you have the suave image, the smooth talking, lots of cash, and the media as your sychophants, you can rise to the top too. Yes you can!

But I admit, Obama has the potential to become one of the great presidents of this country's history (if he moves center-right). I really believe that. I'm not being sarcastic. (And I also think Bush may be seen as a great president 15-20 years from now, depending on how history plays out.)

guilt

I've been very bothered since last night. I was in a bad mood all day because of the inescapable obnoxious Obama frenzy. I was really cranky with my boss and co-workers. I almost punched a guy at Bally's. This idiot was running around the track in the wrong direction. When 20 people are running in one direction, isn't it a little obvious? We were both in the outer track, and every time we passed, I had to veer out of the way. I yelled at him, "Wrong way!" but he ignored me. I muttered to myself, "Must be a stupid Obama supporter." I don't get it.

I'm bothered that I'm bothered and can't rejoice. Don't worry, I won't go on a lengthy tirade against Obama and his hypocritical campaign. Like I said, I think he has potential to do some good stuff, and I'm sure he is a good guy. And I know that 99% of you are in love with Obama, and I don't want you to start at Facebook group called "KILL SUPERBUB. NOW."

But I'm tired of looking at Facebook because every single person has an update of "I'm soooo excited!! I'm jumping for joy!! I'm peeing in my pants!! This is history!! We did it!! This world has changed!!" I see all the people on TV who are crying and screaming and incredibly estatic, and I wonder if something is wrong with me because I don't feel an ounce of excitement, joy, or amazement at this historical event.

I want to shake them and ask, "Why are you so giddy?! He hasn't done anything yet!" Am I evil? A cynical old man? Maybe I'll join the party if/when he actually delivers the goods. (Although how ironic that he hinted in his speech that he probably won't be able to deliver on his promises in his first term, or ever).

ching chang for president

People say that this has proven that race is not an issue anymore. I disagree. This election has proven that race is very much an issue but not a disadvantage. For Obama, it was a huge advantage.

I suppose the one good thing is that this will condition America to be more accepting of a future Asian president. HA. Maybe in 250 years, and only when China threatens to take over America (after 250 years of weakening, poisoning and deforming us with lead and melamine in their imports), and we need a president who knows Mandarin and kung-fu. 

Speaking of kung-fu, America/Hollywood still cannot accept an Asian male actor (as lead), unless he has a Chinese accent and knows kung-fu. That is proof this country is not ready for an Asian president. We are still seen as foreigners. 

But I don't care about an Asian becoming president. It's not important to me. I wouldn't vote for an Asian just because he/she was an Asian. I just want a good president who leads with wisdom and the fear of God. 

society of good-looking talkers 

It goes without saying that smooth talking and the right image is the key to success. I've seen it over and over in corporate America, especially recently in my workplace. It's been ridiculous and disheartening. We've seen it since we were kids in school, in clubs, in social circles, everywhere. This is one reason I will never be successful. I stumble over my words and I look like a sleepy Japanese toad. This election and blind frenzy have been a revealing reflection of our society and our superficial values.

But maybe that's all you need for a president - someone who inspires and can get the masses and media on his side. As long as he is surrounded by experienced advisors, perhaps charm is all you need. So much of the economy and world events are determined by the psychology of the dumb masses, so a charismatic president like Obama can be very effective.

over

I'm just glad this election/campaign process has finally ended. Hasn't it felt like it's been going on for 5 years? I think I have about 50 issues of Newsweek and Time with Obama on the cover, all with the same trademark conceited facial expression.

Sorry for the boring political rant. I know you were hoping for some mindless entertainment, but I just had to get this off my chest before I punch that guy. Congrats if you actually read this whole thing. And double congrats if you read this whole thing without feeling a desire to kill me for blaspheming against The One.

Okay, I'm here.

You can call off the Amber Alert. You can take my picture off the milk cartons. You can stop reading CNN.com and come here for the real news. You can stop crying out my name in your sleep. So much has happened since last March. And yet so little. I don't know where to start.

I guess I can start by explaining my long absence. It's very difficult to expound on the reasons without breaking down emotionally. But I will try, with trembling hands, a box of tissue, and my faithful teddy bear by my side. The things I go through for you.

Here are the top thirteen reasons why I have neglected my blog:

12. I changed my identity and went into hiding to avoid a set-up with a random girl.
11. I ran out of fish pills and forgot my password. And my username. And I reverted to my native Zulu language.
10. I was in jail for assaulting old Korean women at Bally's with my whiffle bat.
9. I was adopted by Angelina Jolie after she saw my last post, after a fierce bidding war with Madonna and A-Rod.
8. I was going to update last March, but the government stole the hour I was going to use, and they finally gave it back this morning.
7. I ran out of fish pills and have been wandering the earth looking for the internet.
6. I wanted to ruin your summer. I knew you were spending your lazy summer days lounging by the pool, sipping your pina colada, fawning over Obama, giggling with your lover, thinking "If only I could read about Superbub's miserable existence, my joy would be complete. Hoo hoo ha ha."
5. I was distracted by hatching silkworm pupae crawling out of my orifices every time I started a Xanga post.
4. I was doing my laundry. And washing my hair.
3. I was waiting until someone started a Facebook group dedicated to me.
2. I was too busy eating curry rabbit.
1. I couldn't think of a good picture to post with my return entry. And I still can't. Use your imagination. But please keep it PG-13.
0. They limit my internet time over here in the nursing home.

So I hope this all makes sense now. You can now resume your life in peace. I'm sure you also have your own conspiracy theories regarding my disappearance. Feel free to share them, because they are probably true and will help me understand my life.